I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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