were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You ruined the universe
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
