ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize