I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
