a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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