Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my being single is dangerous.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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