my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
