Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
