That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
