I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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