Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Shame - the story of my life.
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