She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
