if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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