remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
