I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i barfeds in our rink
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize