So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
