the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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