I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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