I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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