No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
