Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
