Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
