i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
