Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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