But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
