woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
