Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
