Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
