Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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