community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
