get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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