Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
