i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
