I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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