you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
