You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
