kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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