dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
