There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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