yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
