So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
