So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
