So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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