birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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