My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
