You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize