You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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