oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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