Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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