Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
