Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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