Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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