he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
