Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
