just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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