He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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