Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
