i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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