I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
