Duck Duck Cougar?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize