in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
