She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
