I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
