dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize