I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
