Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
