I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
