You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
