I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
