omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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