My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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