yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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