oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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