I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
