Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
And then he peed in my hair
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