her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize