Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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