Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
