At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
