I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
