You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
