I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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