before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
