Please, let me fuck your mom
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
PANTIES FOUND
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