Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
