just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
