i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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