Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How external is "for external use only"?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he high fived his dick after we had sex
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
