Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize