She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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