the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
did i just pee glitter
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
