I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
