You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
