Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize