I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
