Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
