absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I cannot find my penis.
I look better un-naked...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
