Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize