Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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