I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
