There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
