Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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