my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
