Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
