Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
