Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
