I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
