I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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