I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
