i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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