Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
