we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just found puke in my bra..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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